Vaginal Effin Drama - Take 3

Hi!

Hope everyone's vagina has been behaving while I've been gone. My vagina is on strike right now so it's not behaving at all. It truly has a mind of it's own. There is no time out chair you can put your ovaries in. There really is no recourse. They just do whatever they want and inflict pain, cramps, and bloating on your body. There's no one you can report them to that really cares. They hold all the cards; have all the power.

I believe I was about to tell you about Dr. Scrapey. My normal GYN is not a doctor. She's cool. But, she only sticks cold, large, metal objects in places that really were never meant to be there. Seriously....who made up this line of evil doctoring? Dig them up, I want to smack them.

Anyway, since she couldn't get through the pearly gates, she sent me to Dr. Scrapey to try. I'm not sure why she thought he could get into my cervix. But, he literally gave it a stab. After much prodding, he finally gave up. I was lying there in pain and wondering what next? He suggested that we do a hysteroscopy (where they insert some scope/camera into your vagina so they can see inside the uterus). He wanted me to get up about 5 hours before the test and insert some giant pill thingy to dilate my cervix. So, I show up that day and they get me all hooked up with an IV. No matter what I said to my vagina it really was not feeling up to a photo shoot. But, mama wanted some drugs. The nurse starts reading why I'm there and says something about a D & C. I said what? I'm here for a endo test and to take a few pictures. So, she looks at me and turns and says oh ok. I should have known right then that Dr Scrapey was up to good. They take me back to the room and there is the nurse, another dude manning the camera output station, and the doctor. Nothing like having an audience and vagina on display for the world to see. At least with Playgirl, you get paid. They give me a little bit of Demerol which does nothing to me. I'm like a horse. I couldn't be a drug addict because I couldn't afford the massive amount of drugs I'd have to suck down just to get high. I'm just chatting it up with the doctor. The Demerol has completely worn off. He takes the pictures. I'm thinking, great that was just a little uncomfortable, I'm done. But, Dr Scrapey was just beginning.

He says, "this is going to hurt a little bit". He then proceeded to give me a D & C with no drugs. I had nothing. I was moaning, sometimes yelling, and crying. I couldn't even process that he was actually scraping the inside of me without giving me drugs. I'm holding onto the table in extreme pain while he says, "Almost done.", for 10 minutes. The stupid nurse says, oh you can take some motrin when you get home for the cramping. Seriously, I would have snatched her if I wasn't trying to hold on for dear life. It was exhausting. I wonder how Dr Scrapey would feel if I scraped the inside of his penis without giving him good drugs. Trust me, he doesn't know how close I was to making that happen.

So, finally, he finished. I was in shock; scratch that, I was traumatized. They wheeled me out and some of the nurses told my husband to go get the car. The Dr. talks to him first and says I'll be fine and asked him if we had pain meds at home (motrin). My husband says um yeah. He says good. The Dr. leaves and a nurse says, did they give you a prescription? He says no but now he's like what the hell did they do to her because the nurse says, "Really?". I got dressed, still in shock and they had gone to get me a wheel chair. My husband had ran back to the car and when he saw me he knew something was wrong. I was in tears and just looked like I was in shock. I told him what happened and he was really upset. So, I emailed my Dr. the next day and told her what happened and how upset I was that I had to go through all of that pain. She was in shock too and said normally you do get pain meds for that kind of procedure.

Anyway, turns out that I'm in perfect health but for the next almost 6 months of periods, I literally cramped and felt like my insides were burning. It was horrible. So, yes, you all got payback for all those wonderful years I had picture perfect periods. Hope you're happy now. I will continue the saga of Dr Scrapey and the wounded vagina next week. I need a drink just typing all of that. I have PTS now.