VED....The Saga Continues.....

Hi All,

I hope your vagina's have been behaving. Mine is still taking a walk on the wild side. Sorry it's been so long but I admit, I've been totally engrossed in my nail blog. If this is your first contact with this blog, don't cheat, go back to the beginning. It won't kill you to take some time to read.

Where did we leave off? Ah, Dr Scrapey...... After that encounter, I was truly frightened to even complain about the fact that I was still bleeding excessively and cramping. I thought, maybe there is some kind of vaginal relationship therapist I could look up so that I could end the pain. You know, just battle it out and let all of our real feelings come out; maybe put my vagina on bi-polar meds. But alas, they don't exist. I tried calling an exorcist but he wasn't familiar with vaginal poltergeists (as if), so I was stuck on my own. My vagina clearly doesn't want to age with dignity. So, I put up with the pain and the bleeding became a lot worse. I went back for my yearly check up and happened to mention that I was bleeding heavily and the doctor was immediately making a big deal about it. I thought again, why did I open my big mouth. She immediately ordered another vaginal sonogram.....oh joy. My vagina is just the gift that keeps on giving! So, I'm curious, what do you when the doctor is poking around or trying to press through your vaginal fat to do the exam? I tend to stare at the ceiling and hum a song in my head. You know, that top 10 diddy, I'm not really here....there is no stranger poking around inside my vagina with a large metal device...I wish I went on a diet last week....fallopian tube solo...break to chorus. Oh, you haven't heard that one?

By the way, my lovely husband just tried to make a deal with me that he'd get snipped if I would let him get a tattoo (and I'd have no say of how big etc). I wanted to smack him on principle.... Men just don't appreciate what we do to our bodies to avoid their offspring and they have no idea what it feels like to bleed excessively and feel like your insides are ripping apart. I'm telling you, one morning, he is just going to wake up and the deed will already be done. Seriously, the boy can sleep through everything. If the world ends in 2012, I will be screaming as it goes down by myself, drowned out by the unworldly sounds of his snoring. I think I could handle the task. I was great with the scalpel in college.

Alright, I've blabbed enough. It's a beautiful day out and then I need to go prepare for surgery. I'm sure there has to be something on google or wikipedia. I have to sterilize my exacto knife and get my sewing kit together. A woman's job is just never done.....